pain’s the only way to happiness

Oh I've got a rant, friends. So be prepared.

Yesterday and today, I used precious vacation hours to work on this stupid paper. I had The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis: Volume III Fed-Ex'ed to my house. I wrote, I bitched, I wrote. I drove to two different libraries in search of books, I scrambled and fought for parking spaces where there were none.

I spent five dollars and wasted 64 sheets of paper on copies of my paper for our critique groups tonight. I worried, I stressed, I ate. I stress-ate.

I drank eight cups of coffee. Today.

I stressed some more.

And we had only a half an hour to discuss our papers. I did not get my one-on-one with the professor to find out exactly what it was I needed to do since I missed class. I did not need eight copies of my paper. And I did not need to stress.

Why? Because we only looked at the first f***ing paragraph.

So yes. I'm not in a good place right now. You'd better believe that this professor will get a less than savory performance review from me when this class is over.

(Abs, I'm sorry I didn't call you, but I was too busy fuming on my way home to do anything except sing along to angry Fiona Apple songs.)

End rant.

Now, a plea. If you believe in a higher power that looks after animals, think good thoughts for Zorro tomorrow. He is getting his teeth cleaned. And I have to admit, I'm nervous. Updates to follow, surely.

Quote o' the day (we'll be done with C.S. Lewis when I have turned in this paper):

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

When I looked for you I almost passed you by

The Chronicles of Narnia are good books.

But may be ruined forever for me because of this paper that I must write. C.S. Lewis is endlessly fascinating. If I were writing a paper on him, I'd be all set. But the publishing history of these seven books? Not so much.

But I shall plod on, because if I want to make it through the rest of this semester, I need to finish this blasted paper.

Thanksgiving was good - I was glad for the time off, as I'm sure all of you were. Time to chill out, sleep, and wear fleece pants and a sweatshirt. Because that's what I did pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday. Whilst reading said Chronicles.

I wish I had more interesting things to say, but the only thing I can share with you is this - remember the smell of libraries during finals time? Sitting in the dusty stacks, with headphones on, the smell of old books, hard work, sweat and tears. Silence that can make someone completely sane go crazy...because you know that in that silence, you've got work to do, but all you can do is sit and listen, waiting for someone else's scream of frustration when they can't find the book that they want. But you'll listen in vain, because we only scream inside our heads, hands and eyes frantically searching for that 812.92473 LD40WP book that isn't where is should be, even though it says that the book is not checked out yet. But then, you find the book, you breathe that sigh of relief, pay your library fine, and walk out to get the coffee you promised yourself when the victory was achieved.

And then the wireless doesn't work at the coffee shop.

Happy Monday, campers.

Quote o' the day:

"Far better things lie ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis (who else?!)

you begin to wonder why you came

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, when everyone seems to be in a good mood and people are cordial to each other, even if they don't know each other, I feel compelled to write a little something about what I am thankful for. Mostly, I'm thankful for the people that are in my life. Those people that care about the little details, the people that know what goes on in my everyday life and the people that maybe don't, but care enough to send an email or give a call. We can all be thankful for family and friends, but I wanted to take a moment to actually recognize things I appreciate about all of you:

1. You listen. You listen to all my psychotic ramblings about stupid things that you've probably heard me talk about a million times and don't bother telling me so. Thank you - it's very gentle of you to not point out my small obsessions.

2. You tell me things about you. We all get so entrenched in day to day activities, that sometimes, we need someone else's life to shake us out of our own self-absorbedness (yes, I made up that word just now).

3. You make me laugh. Even if it's just something stupid, I appreciate that.

Those are just a few that encompass all of you, but there are many small, individual things that make each of you important to me in different ways. (I'm starting to sound a little weepy, so I'll quit with that tangent...)

Other things I'm thankful for? Traffic cops (I'm serious!), my health, good books, snow, good music, coffee and those extra few minutes when I actually feel like I can make dinner, sit down and eat it. I'm thankful for intelligent people who tell me things that I don't know. I'm thankful for people that don't think the same way that I do. I'm thankful for the white lies that people tell me that make my day better, even though they may not be 100% accurate or true. And I'm thankful for opportunities. Even if I don't take them, they are still there. And who knows, maybe one of these days, I'll work up enough courage to actually do those things.

I could list so many more, but I need to keep an eye on my squash.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I hope you get good food, rest, and time with those that you love.

Quote o' the day:

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

ain’t nobody that can sing like me

I realize this is my second pointless post of the day, but... things to note.

1. The Mall of America is scary.
2. Dating websites ads are scary, as we've already discussed, but the latest ad I saw was for NoMoreDates.com. Umm...yeah. Scary.
3. The end of daylight savings time is sad, because now it is dark so much faster. And it's only just begun.
4. I'm going to a Vikings game tomorrow. And that's funny.
5. Madison Badger fans are everywhere this weekend.

Ok. That's all.

it's never gonna be that simple

I said I wasn't going to do anything today. So far, I haven't.

I was talking to Marta today and she mentioned something that was on December 1st. And how that's in two weeks. Seriously? Two weeks? When did it become December?

And that's all I've got to say about that.

Quote o' the day:

"Beauty, more than bitterness, makes the heart break." - Sara Teasdale

you make me smile, please stay for awhile

San Diego was great - a really good change of scenery.

To sum up:

1. Daylight savings time affects CA too.
2. Dodge Calibers are a little ridiculous.
3. I'm not good at driving up really scary steep hills...my palms sweat. A LOT.
4. Colleen and I were total higher ed marketing geeks. We learned a lot, but mostly, we got a chance to meet people and say, hey, I'm having that same problem!
5. I got to see the actual Dead Sea Scrolls. It was amazing.
6. I get seasick. A lot.
7. My aunt is pretty damn cool.
8. I'm not good at public speaking.

And for my random music/writing plug of the night, I would suggest you all go and check out Alison Krauss and Robert Plant's collaboration, Raising Sand. Rolling Stone gives it 3.5 stars (click here to read the RS review), but I give it 4.5. It's an unlikely duo that ends up being pretty freaking awesome.

On a side note, do you ever wish you could just blurt out what you really want to say without having to think about the consequences?

Quote o' the day:

"Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness." - Cullen Hightower

it was the summer of my discontent

I got to work this morning at 7:15.

I will be relying on LOTS of coffee today and a little help from my friends. I actually had something to say, but somewhere between here and work and now, I forgot what it was.

Maybe it was the fact that I do believe today that we've yet to have a hard frost, except the kind of frost that is just enough so that you have to scrape off your window shield in the morning. And it's NOVEMBER 8th. It's insane. I'm sure you are all remembering last fall when I was complaining of the lateness of the snow. Maybe it's because this fall has flown by and I've not really gotten a chance to experience it, or maybe I'm adjusting to this 'new' MN weather, but this fall/early winter, I'm not minding the beautiful weather. In fact, it can go on for as long as it wants.

Happy Thursday. And I hope you all got more sleep than I did.

Quote o' the day:

"The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed." - C.S. Lewis, English essayist & juvenile novelist (1898 - 1963)

take me the way I am

So I had way too many ideas about what I had to say today, so this might be a big conglomerate of randomness.

Many of you have asked how the procedure went on Monday (thanks!) - it went fine, I don't really remember any of it, but apparently, they couldn't see any problems with the naked eye, but I have to wait for the biopsy, which should be in seven to ten days. (On a side note, when did we become a seven to ten day society? Everything is seven to ten business days. Seriously.) So, as far as they're concerned, I've done all these tests, etc. only to find out that I do not, to their basic knowledge, have any sort of malabsorption problem with the gluten products. Not that I'm wishing it on myself, but I would rather have an answer than have to do more medical tests.

Chivalry at the grocery store is a very big thing, I've decided. Last night I wanted to make some soup to have for the week, along with brownies for one of the 'old guard' of SMU because he's been so helpful, and obviously, needed to make a trip to my local grocery store. I ended up going to the Cub because it was on my way from where I was coming even though I get turned around and they don't have as good a selection. However. As I got in line, the guy in front of me, (who was buying so many juice boxes, I couldn't even count), not only made sure that there was enough room for me to unload my stuff, but actually took my brimming basket from my hands and put it up on the conveyor for me. I've decided that since chivalry has gone by the wayside, a gesture like that is actually very romantic. He even put the divider up between our groceries. Where are these chivalrous grocery store men and how do I find them?! Apparently, I need to go to that Cub more often!

As of class tonight, I'm actually kind of enjoying it. (Now that we only have four classes left.) Tonight we talked about literary magazines, which I absolutely adore, for no other reason than that I worked on one and it was a great experience. Also, my book review that we had to write for class last week is going to be published in the next issue of Rain Taxi! Which is pretty awesome.

A few random wrap-up points:

1. I succumbed to the lure of the peanut butter M&M's tonight. They were damn good.
2. My sister bought a HUGE box of kettle corn from a coworker's boy scout. Does anyone want a bag or two?
3. Brownies make everything better.
4. The Anoka-Hennepin levy passed, so my dad will continue to be a teacher.
5. If you didn't vote yesterday, you should feel bad. At my precinct, I was only the 107th voter. That is a disgrace. Voting may be a little like flossing, we don't want to do it, but it is EXTREMELY important.
6. If you haven't heard of the poet Sara Teasdale and enjoy poetry, check her out. She was one of the rocking women poets of the early 1900's and writes positively luminously.

I think that's it. I do have a rather contemplative idea that I want to discuss at length, but now is not the time to do it.

Happy trails, campers.

Quote o' the day:
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." - Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

losing love is like a window in your heart

Happy Sunday, everyone. It was a beautiful weekend and now, well, it's almost over.

I've spent my weekend catching up with old friends, catching up on myself and doing laundry. It hasn't been the most fun weekend, but certainly productive and I feel as if I've accomplished a lot.

Today, Steve and I walked around St. Paul along Summit Ave. I haven't spent that much time over there and it was absolutely beautiful. All those old homes, the sunshine and fall leaves, combined with excellent company, was just what I needed. We had a lot to catch up on.

It was, finally, the perfect fall day.

Tomorrow, I will hopefully find out about the celiacs, finally, so wish me luck. And hopefully, I will not get sick. The rest of this week promises to be extremely busy, and we have our orchestra concert next weekend. And then it's off to San Diego.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic week.

Quote o' the day:

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" - Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French author & moralist (1613 - 1680)