I don't have much to say today, other than that I think this crazy week has finally caught up with me. I'm exhausted!
But, this quote today needed to be posted. So, without further ado...
Quote o' the day:
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." - Kurt Vonnegut (on a side note, how did I totally miss that Kurt Vonnegut died? Did I just forget? Or did I miss it?!)
6.18.2008
what I want is not to want what isn't mine
Today was amazing. The sun shone hotter and brighter than it may have all summer thus yet and I drove fast, blaring Collective Soul, frantically wishing I could turn back time and do the things I've longed to do.
But as it stands, the present is a pretty good place to be. Kate and I met to discuss design for rock, paper, scissors tonight and I think we've come up with a pretty amazing design. It's always affirming to be around people that know you in a different light than the rest of your friends because those people see qualities and parts of you that aren't always visible. We all need reminding of those things that don't come out as often as they should. And I think most writers will agree, it's always wonderful to be in the company of another wordsmith who doesn't expect you to be amazing with language, grammar or any of that. But to be in the company of one who truly understands the beauty in a moment, however fleeting it may be, and who understands that beauty is not lost simply because you can't express something the most eloquent way or even at all. It is a gift, it's unique and I hope that everyone has someone in their life that understands that...because we need it to survive and to be happy.
So another suggestion for you, friends. Grab a hold of those tiny moments that may seem like nothing - a glance, a conversation, a moment stilled only by silence when your heart is beating so loudly that you are sure that everyone can hear it. Take those moments as mementos of your life and guard them. Because in times when you are not quite sure that you can continue being the person you are, you can recall them and suddenly, things don't seem so bad.
On a side note - does anyone happen to know of a good recording of Smetana's Moldau? It's been on my mind lately and I feel like a good listen to a fantastic recording will ease that missing piece of my soul's current status. What do you suppose that means?
It's late and I'm running on pure adrenaline and sleeplessness, so I'd best close my eyes. Happy Wednesday, friends.
Quote o' the day:
"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time." - George Orwell
But as it stands, the present is a pretty good place to be. Kate and I met to discuss design for rock, paper, scissors tonight and I think we've come up with a pretty amazing design. It's always affirming to be around people that know you in a different light than the rest of your friends because those people see qualities and parts of you that aren't always visible. We all need reminding of those things that don't come out as often as they should. And I think most writers will agree, it's always wonderful to be in the company of another wordsmith who doesn't expect you to be amazing with language, grammar or any of that. But to be in the company of one who truly understands the beauty in a moment, however fleeting it may be, and who understands that beauty is not lost simply because you can't express something the most eloquent way or even at all. It is a gift, it's unique and I hope that everyone has someone in their life that understands that...because we need it to survive and to be happy.
So another suggestion for you, friends. Grab a hold of those tiny moments that may seem like nothing - a glance, a conversation, a moment stilled only by silence when your heart is beating so loudly that you are sure that everyone can hear it. Take those moments as mementos of your life and guard them. Because in times when you are not quite sure that you can continue being the person you are, you can recall them and suddenly, things don't seem so bad.
On a side note - does anyone happen to know of a good recording of Smetana's Moldau? It's been on my mind lately and I feel like a good listen to a fantastic recording will ease that missing piece of my soul's current status. What do you suppose that means?
It's late and I'm running on pure adrenaline and sleeplessness, so I'd best close my eyes. Happy Wednesday, friends.
Quote o' the day:
"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time." - George Orwell
it's you who is closest
I may write more later (I'm on a roll), but here's a fun article for those of you that are familiar with Abbott and Costello's bit 'Who's on First?'
Sometimes, the Chronicle of Higher Education has good stuff!
Sometimes, the Chronicle of Higher Education has good stuff!
6.17.2008
I am giving up on half empty glasses
I feel like I need to fill you all in on the last few days, but that would take weeks. So, in a nutshell, I've got an apartment. It's perfect. Perfectly me. I can imagine myself living there, I can imagine myself writing, cooking, laughing and loving in this apartment and can't wait to have a space that is my own and where I can find the parts of myself that I've given up for various reasons over the last eight or so years. Where I can tuck away the parts of myself that I'm not proud of. There was no small amount of tears shed between my sister and I and my entire family can't quite believe that I did something so impulsive as choosing to live in the first place I came to. Come to think of it, I can't really either. But it's fantastic...photos to come!
The last three weeks, continuing forward to the next couple of weeks are pretty crazy, but I've kind of come to accept this and am just rolling with it. So what if I don't get quite as much sleep as I anticipated... there will be time to sleep once all this fun and work is done. Emphasis on the word FUN. There is much fun to be had this summer and I can't wait.
I have been, for the last couple of weeks, going gluten free. Aside from paying way close attention to what I eat and what's good and what's not (a benefit, in my mind), I've lost seven pounds already! I did get my test results back from the celiac test and my levels have risen from 28 to 35 in the last year. So, it looks like this will be a permanent thing, though I didn't really plan it to be. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, however, so that's good.
A few suggestions, as I haven't made many lately.
If you are in the cities, try and get in to see A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Guthrie. It was fantastic - extremely well done for a play that's kind of crazy already.
This article, Of Marriage and Mountain Climbing, about the similarities of marriage and rock-climbing is wonderful. I may not be married and may not be remotely close to or even ready for it, but when I get to that point, this is what I think should be the essence of a good marriage and Barreca hits it right on the head.
That’s what love is: the wish to go on talking.
So, for all my dear married friends, I wish that for you, along with the good memories that come with that person. Because, the best thing in the world is to wake up and know that the person you want to talk to and see the most in the world is right next to you.
And the last suggestion I have for you, take a few minutes, sometime, and listen to some jazz. It's amazing how the rhythm, music and underlying feeling can cheer you up, calm you down and if you're in a sad mood, mourn right along with you. Watch the moon rise, drink a glass of wine or some beer and listen to some jazz. Your heart will thank you for it.
Quote o' the day:
"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities." - Aldous Huxley
The last three weeks, continuing forward to the next couple of weeks are pretty crazy, but I've kind of come to accept this and am just rolling with it. So what if I don't get quite as much sleep as I anticipated... there will be time to sleep once all this fun and work is done. Emphasis on the word FUN. There is much fun to be had this summer and I can't wait.
I have been, for the last couple of weeks, going gluten free. Aside from paying way close attention to what I eat and what's good and what's not (a benefit, in my mind), I've lost seven pounds already! I did get my test results back from the celiac test and my levels have risen from 28 to 35 in the last year. So, it looks like this will be a permanent thing, though I didn't really plan it to be. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, however, so that's good.
A few suggestions, as I haven't made many lately.
If you are in the cities, try and get in to see A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Guthrie. It was fantastic - extremely well done for a play that's kind of crazy already.
This article, Of Marriage and Mountain Climbing, about the similarities of marriage and rock-climbing is wonderful. I may not be married and may not be remotely close to or even ready for it, but when I get to that point, this is what I think should be the essence of a good marriage and Barreca hits it right on the head.
That’s what love is: the wish to go on talking.
So, for all my dear married friends, I wish that for you, along with the good memories that come with that person. Because, the best thing in the world is to wake up and know that the person you want to talk to and see the most in the world is right next to you.
And the last suggestion I have for you, take a few minutes, sometime, and listen to some jazz. It's amazing how the rhythm, music and underlying feeling can cheer you up, calm you down and if you're in a sad mood, mourn right along with you. Watch the moon rise, drink a glass of wine or some beer and listen to some jazz. Your heart will thank you for it.
Quote o' the day:
"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities." - Aldous Huxley
6.11.2008
the lonely is such delicate things
Garrison Keillor wrote in his column last Sunday about finding the joy in life. He says:
Joy has the power to sweep misery away. This is true. Nobody "gets over" anything, there is no closure, hearts stay broken for a long time. Love is a tumult and it's a wonder anyone survives it. But you look out the window and imagine joy is waiting for you somewhere..."
Isn't that the truth? I felt the need to share that, because on this rainy day, when I am tired out, stressed out and wishing for a highway to drive way from it all, I know that even though the last two weeks have been nothing short of hellish at work, next week, it will be sunny again and I will be glad to be where I am. So, to combat the compelling urge I have to quit my life as I know it today, I sit and drink red wine and eat dark chocolate. They're supposed to be good for your heart, right? My heart can use some cheering right now.
The last week has been tumultuous in so many ways - not only has there been a lot of stuff going on at work, but I've gained a roommate, lost a roommate, lost two roommates and decided that it's a good thing for me to move out on my own. So at the end of the summer, friends, I will be finding my own apartment and setting up a space that is mine. I'm excited, but it's bittersweet. The end of an era. I will no longer have my sister around to keep me company and share silly things with. But I know that we'll probably still end up spending a lot of time together. I feel lucky to have had the chance to live with her because if we hadn't, we probably wouldn't be as close as we are now. And instead of living with Sarah, as planned, she'll have her own place and that's good for her and probably good for our friendship.
I've not done any writing yet, nor have I started The Artist's Way. I should, at this very moment, be working on work because I'm presenting at work tomorrow morning and I am procrastinating in the worst way. Writing birthday cards to an ex and lamenting the fact that I have tons of address labels I won't be able to use aren't exactly constructive uses of my time. But my nervousness about tomorrow cannot be abated and thinking about it only seems to make it worse. So perhaps I will end up winging it, or else after this wine is gone, I'll feel relaxed enough to get this done. The thing that is hardest, and what I knew would be hardest about being in the position I'm in is that I have so many friends at work that I can't share the misery with. I don't know how to elaborate on that statement, but I think that you will understand, friends.
In an effort to be cheery on what seems to be a non-cheery day for me, I will say that when I went to get our father's day present for my dad, not only was there a meter available right in front of the store in the middle of a rain deluge, but it had 50 minutes left on it. Which just kind of made my whole day better. Random acts of kindness are the best, even when unintentional. I put two quarters in before I left.
I am anxiously awaiting tomorrow afternoon when I will be done with this blasted presentation that everyone seems to make such a big deal out of and when I can go play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Symphony in rehearsal and get it all out of my system. I may take a half day on Friday to do a few things for me (like get a headlight fixed...), but we shall see how the rest of the week goes.
Is anyone else amazed that it is already June 12 tomorrow? I know I am. I'm in awe of how fast everything seems to be going and can't seem to recall a time when things were slower and simpler. When a smile was just a smile and when work was not responsibility.
Quote o' the day:
"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another..." -Charles M. Schulz
Joy has the power to sweep misery away. This is true. Nobody "gets over" anything, there is no closure, hearts stay broken for a long time. Love is a tumult and it's a wonder anyone survives it. But you look out the window and imagine joy is waiting for you somewhere..."
Isn't that the truth? I felt the need to share that, because on this rainy day, when I am tired out, stressed out and wishing for a highway to drive way from it all, I know that even though the last two weeks have been nothing short of hellish at work, next week, it will be sunny again and I will be glad to be where I am. So, to combat the compelling urge I have to quit my life as I know it today, I sit and drink red wine and eat dark chocolate. They're supposed to be good for your heart, right? My heart can use some cheering right now.
The last week has been tumultuous in so many ways - not only has there been a lot of stuff going on at work, but I've gained a roommate, lost a roommate, lost two roommates and decided that it's a good thing for me to move out on my own. So at the end of the summer, friends, I will be finding my own apartment and setting up a space that is mine. I'm excited, but it's bittersweet. The end of an era. I will no longer have my sister around to keep me company and share silly things with. But I know that we'll probably still end up spending a lot of time together. I feel lucky to have had the chance to live with her because if we hadn't, we probably wouldn't be as close as we are now. And instead of living with Sarah, as planned, she'll have her own place and that's good for her and probably good for our friendship.
I've not done any writing yet, nor have I started The Artist's Way. I should, at this very moment, be working on work because I'm presenting at work tomorrow morning and I am procrastinating in the worst way. Writing birthday cards to an ex and lamenting the fact that I have tons of address labels I won't be able to use aren't exactly constructive uses of my time. But my nervousness about tomorrow cannot be abated and thinking about it only seems to make it worse. So perhaps I will end up winging it, or else after this wine is gone, I'll feel relaxed enough to get this done. The thing that is hardest, and what I knew would be hardest about being in the position I'm in is that I have so many friends at work that I can't share the misery with. I don't know how to elaborate on that statement, but I think that you will understand, friends.
In an effort to be cheery on what seems to be a non-cheery day for me, I will say that when I went to get our father's day present for my dad, not only was there a meter available right in front of the store in the middle of a rain deluge, but it had 50 minutes left on it. Which just kind of made my whole day better. Random acts of kindness are the best, even when unintentional. I put two quarters in before I left.
I am anxiously awaiting tomorrow afternoon when I will be done with this blasted presentation that everyone seems to make such a big deal out of and when I can go play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Symphony in rehearsal and get it all out of my system. I may take a half day on Friday to do a few things for me (like get a headlight fixed...), but we shall see how the rest of the week goes.
Is anyone else amazed that it is already June 12 tomorrow? I know I am. I'm in awe of how fast everything seems to be going and can't seem to recall a time when things were slower and simpler. When a smile was just a smile and when work was not responsibility.
Quote o' the day:
"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another..." -Charles M. Schulz
5.20.2008
I've learned to listen through silence
Welcome back friends.
I haven't written anything here for a two and a half months. I haven't really written anything for that matter. So I've decided, from Marta's suggestion, to do Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Apparently it is 12 weeks long and that should take me all summer. Anyone want to join me?
Many exciting and not exciting things have happened in the last two months, so I'll spare you all the boring details, except that I went to Denver and had a surprising realization. I'm not the same person I was in high school! Not really that surprising, but a good thing to notice, all the same.
According to my sister, the environmentalist, we're at least ten days behind our normal schedule of the seasons. Which means many things, such as loons congregating on Lake Harriet, birds that came back too early having nothing to eat, a slushy fishing opener and spring buds that are just now starting to pop out. Along our street, there's a park that looks pretty crappy until it starts to green up. The ice rink is a gigantic puddle of mud and insects, until one day, there's a beautiful field of dandelions. My dad always taught me to pick the heads off these pesty flowers until there were none left. That said - there's nothing, to me, at this moment, more beautiful than a bright yellow patch of dandelions in the cool spring morning with mists rising off of them. Standing outside on a cloudy evening, wishing for a glass of water and feeling those drops of rain hit your head and bare toes makes me yearn for summer all the more.
I want to be able to swim in our cul de sac that doesn't exist anymore and I want seasons to be definable again. Is that too much to ask?
Drop me a note and let me know how all of you are doing, ok? I miss you all.
Quote o' the day:
"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave." - E.M. Forster
I haven't written anything here for a two and a half months. I haven't really written anything for that matter. So I've decided, from Marta's suggestion, to do Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Apparently it is 12 weeks long and that should take me all summer. Anyone want to join me?
Many exciting and not exciting things have happened in the last two months, so I'll spare you all the boring details, except that I went to Denver and had a surprising realization. I'm not the same person I was in high school! Not really that surprising, but a good thing to notice, all the same.
According to my sister, the environmentalist, we're at least ten days behind our normal schedule of the seasons. Which means many things, such as loons congregating on Lake Harriet, birds that came back too early having nothing to eat, a slushy fishing opener and spring buds that are just now starting to pop out. Along our street, there's a park that looks pretty crappy until it starts to green up. The ice rink is a gigantic puddle of mud and insects, until one day, there's a beautiful field of dandelions. My dad always taught me to pick the heads off these pesty flowers until there were none left. That said - there's nothing, to me, at this moment, more beautiful than a bright yellow patch of dandelions in the cool spring morning with mists rising off of them. Standing outside on a cloudy evening, wishing for a glass of water and feeling those drops of rain hit your head and bare toes makes me yearn for summer all the more.
I want to be able to swim in our cul de sac that doesn't exist anymore and I want seasons to be definable again. Is that too much to ask?
Drop me a note and let me know how all of you are doing, ok? I miss you all.
Quote o' the day:
"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave." - E.M. Forster
3.06.2008
I'll be the one to break my heart
A few random things about this week.
My left blinker cuts into my radio every time I use it. It either didn't bother me before, or else I just didn't notice it. It's extremely annoying.
Today, I had meeting with my financial 'guy' and in the course of our meeting, we were discussing work, etc., and it was amazing. Amazing because even though I have days, weeks, even, where I wonder what the hell I'm doing with work and wonder if I'm even any good at it, and wonder sometimes, if I even like it - but during that hour, I realized that I do like my job. I may not know exactly what I'm doing, but I'm happy with where I am. I love spending time with my friends and my family and that generally, I don't 'want' anything else right at this moment. (This is sounding eerily like something I wrote awhile ago, sorry to be repetitive, but this seems to be a topic lately!)
I know we all wish we were maybe a little more this or a little more that. We wish we weren't single or we wish we'd waited to get married and have kids. We might wish we had more of this or more of that. And I'm no different with regards to those things, but it was nice to be reminded that if I did die tomorrow, I pretty much have lived the way that I've wanted to. Sure, I've still got things I want to do, but I think that no matter what age you die, you still have things you want to do.
My sister and I have been watching "Six Feet Under" and I do admit to being skeptical to it at first, but I'm completely hooked now and I think that's maybe why I've been so introspective lately. That and the fact that my class demands that I think that way. At any rate, if you've not watched it, put it on your Netflix!
Back to work.
Quote o' the day:
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong (1885 November 24–1970 March 29, American Journalist)
My left blinker cuts into my radio every time I use it. It either didn't bother me before, or else I just didn't notice it. It's extremely annoying.
Today, I had meeting with my financial 'guy' and in the course of our meeting, we were discussing work, etc., and it was amazing. Amazing because even though I have days, weeks, even, where I wonder what the hell I'm doing with work and wonder if I'm even any good at it, and wonder sometimes, if I even like it - but during that hour, I realized that I do like my job. I may not know exactly what I'm doing, but I'm happy with where I am. I love spending time with my friends and my family and that generally, I don't 'want' anything else right at this moment. (This is sounding eerily like something I wrote awhile ago, sorry to be repetitive, but this seems to be a topic lately!)
I know we all wish we were maybe a little more this or a little more that. We wish we weren't single or we wish we'd waited to get married and have kids. We might wish we had more of this or more of that. And I'm no different with regards to those things, but it was nice to be reminded that if I did die tomorrow, I pretty much have lived the way that I've wanted to. Sure, I've still got things I want to do, but I think that no matter what age you die, you still have things you want to do.
My sister and I have been watching "Six Feet Under" and I do admit to being skeptical to it at first, but I'm completely hooked now and I think that's maybe why I've been so introspective lately. That and the fact that my class demands that I think that way. At any rate, if you've not watched it, put it on your Netflix!
Back to work.
Quote o' the day:
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong (1885 November 24–1970 March 29, American Journalist)
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