On Thursday this week, my parents are having my tree removed.
My tree, which I pulled from the garden, planted and nurtured until it was too big to be kept in a pot and then picked the spot where I wanted to plant it.
Granted, my dad never thought it would live, it got seriously split in a storm and there are knots in the trunk where the tree shows it's scars. And yes, it is destroying my parent's driveway with it's roots, but nonetheless, this tree proves that I am capable of keeping plants alive.
It's a piece of my history, a piece of my self, in a way that probably no one will understand, but I want it recorded so that when I'm old, I can say that this magnificent tree was planted because a ten year old girl begged her daddy to keep the weed and let it grow into a 'strong young tree.'
"Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven."
~Rabindranath Tagore, Fireflies, 1928
1.20.2009
feelin' groovy
It's been ages since I wrote anything here for all of you to read, friends. Exactly three months, actually, as I look at my last post.
Work has become insane, with our website project taking on a life of it's own and owning me. I don't think that I've worked this much, well, ever. Even though I probably should have. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can see the glimmer of it through the wintery, sleepy haze that I drive through and work through each day.
Other than that, it's all quiet on the Eastern front. A break from school was definitely needed and I look forward to my class this next semester, the AWP conference in Chicago and many other things that are up and coming.
With this new year, I have no resolutions. My only resolution is to try and make the things that I want that perhaps I've forgotten about and needed to be reminded of (thank you Sarah), or things that I've just not had time for since before Thanksgiving, to take those things and make them a priority.
I think sometimes, we forget that things we want can potentially make us happy or sad as we forget about them and tuck them away, lock them away in our diaries (or blogs) and in boxes, compartmentalizing our lives so that work, love, friendship, school and family never should meet. It's not necessarily bad if they do. And sometimes, we need that.
The inauguration today was awe-inspiring, emotionally inspiring and just all over inspiring. Look for Elizabeth Alexander's poem in a chapbook by Graywolf Press (St. Paul) February 6. It was amazing. Not to mention listening to Itzhak Perlman, Yo Yo Ma, Gabriela Montero and Anthony McGill made me want to get out my violin again and play.
I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically tonight and need to get some sleep. Watch for more later, I need to make this more of a habit again (I call myself a writer?).
Quote o' the day:
In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air,
any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
on the brink, on the brim, on the cusp,
praise song for walking forward in that light.
-Elizabeth Alexander, Praise Song
Work has become insane, with our website project taking on a life of it's own and owning me. I don't think that I've worked this much, well, ever. Even though I probably should have. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can see the glimmer of it through the wintery, sleepy haze that I drive through and work through each day.
Other than that, it's all quiet on the Eastern front. A break from school was definitely needed and I look forward to my class this next semester, the AWP conference in Chicago and many other things that are up and coming.
With this new year, I have no resolutions. My only resolution is to try and make the things that I want that perhaps I've forgotten about and needed to be reminded of (thank you Sarah), or things that I've just not had time for since before Thanksgiving, to take those things and make them a priority.
I think sometimes, we forget that things we want can potentially make us happy or sad as we forget about them and tuck them away, lock them away in our diaries (or blogs) and in boxes, compartmentalizing our lives so that work, love, friendship, school and family never should meet. It's not necessarily bad if they do. And sometimes, we need that.
The inauguration today was awe-inspiring, emotionally inspiring and just all over inspiring. Look for Elizabeth Alexander's poem in a chapbook by Graywolf Press (St. Paul) February 6. It was amazing. Not to mention listening to Itzhak Perlman, Yo Yo Ma, Gabriela Montero and Anthony McGill made me want to get out my violin again and play.
I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically tonight and need to get some sleep. Watch for more later, I need to make this more of a habit again (I call myself a writer?).
Quote o' the day:
In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air,
any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
on the brink, on the brim, on the cusp,
praise song for walking forward in that light.
-Elizabeth Alexander, Praise Song
10.20.2008
how fragile are the very strong
Things that you forget and then remember...
1. Laundry etiquette. How long does one wait before putting their neighbor's laundry on top of the dryer so that they can get some wash done?
2. When was the last time you actually had to go into a bank? I forgot my pin number today when I stood at the counter, asking for my three rolls of quarters. I'm hoping I won't have to go back for awhile.
3. How young nineteen year old boys are.
4. In the fall, how everything seems romanticized and nothing seems real.
Things that I wish...
1. I wish I were braver. That I could be that person who steps up and fixes things. That I could say the things that I want to say, that I could look you in the eye.
2. I wish I were stronger. That I could be that person who seems to always have it together and that can hold up other people. That I could be strong enough to be braver.
3. I wish that time would slow down and let things happen.
4. I wish I were able to do the thing you want me to do and that I knew what that was.
But for now, I'll settle for a glass of wine, some music and the sounds of this old house, with secrets to share and with places to tuck new secrets. I'll probably try at least two more times to keep the cat off the cupboard and then I will probably give up and go to bed. Because lately, I am an insomniac and wake in the wee hours of the morning, wondering what time it is, only to discover that it has been only two hours since I crawled into bed. So tonight, I'll probably read a little, falling asleep when I least expect it.
leaves rain down in an unexpected hailstorm outside the window. looking twice, a realization that the leaves are translucent, colored, soft. they are not hard, unyielding or icy. looking again, they are floating, wind-torn and tired.
Quote of the day:
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Lindquist
1. Laundry etiquette. How long does one wait before putting their neighbor's laundry on top of the dryer so that they can get some wash done?
2. When was the last time you actually had to go into a bank? I forgot my pin number today when I stood at the counter, asking for my three rolls of quarters. I'm hoping I won't have to go back for awhile.
3. How young nineteen year old boys are.
4. In the fall, how everything seems romanticized and nothing seems real.
Things that I wish...
1. I wish I were braver. That I could be that person who steps up and fixes things. That I could say the things that I want to say, that I could look you in the eye.
2. I wish I were stronger. That I could be that person who seems to always have it together and that can hold up other people. That I could be strong enough to be braver.
3. I wish that time would slow down and let things happen.
4. I wish I were able to do the thing you want me to do and that I knew what that was.
But for now, I'll settle for a glass of wine, some music and the sounds of this old house, with secrets to share and with places to tuck new secrets. I'll probably try at least two more times to keep the cat off the cupboard and then I will probably give up and go to bed. Because lately, I am an insomniac and wake in the wee hours of the morning, wondering what time it is, only to discover that it has been only two hours since I crawled into bed. So tonight, I'll probably read a little, falling asleep when I least expect it.
leaves rain down in an unexpected hailstorm outside the window. looking twice, a realization that the leaves are translucent, colored, soft. they are not hard, unyielding or icy. looking again, they are floating, wind-torn and tired.
Quote of the day:
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Lindquist
10.07.2008
keep breathing
Tonight I curled up in my big purple chair with books, quilts, cider and cats. It was a delicious feeling, except for when I awoke to discover it was 9:30 and I'd not read much of anything that I needed to for class.
So now, I will open the window, let the cool fall air in, wake up and read. I wonder, as we approach the middle of the tenth month of this year, as always where the time has gone. So I keep breathing, and wait for tomorrow, when I will be in a different state of mind and when the sun will shine.
Two quotes that beg for posting that I stumbled upon while looking for something else. The first, I send to my sister, reminding her that you can't help who you fall in love with. The second, a Swedish proverb, is too true for words.
"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over." - Anonymous
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” - Swedish Proverb
So now, I will open the window, let the cool fall air in, wake up and read. I wonder, as we approach the middle of the tenth month of this year, as always where the time has gone. So I keep breathing, and wait for tomorrow, when I will be in a different state of mind and when the sun will shine.
Two quotes that beg for posting that I stumbled upon while looking for something else. The first, I send to my sister, reminding her that you can't help who you fall in love with. The second, a Swedish proverb, is too true for words.
"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over." - Anonymous
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” - Swedish Proverb
10.06.2008
you're the reason I've run out
I don't have anything particularly exciting to share tonight, except for some things that I feel the need to share with someone else.
Tonight is one of the nights that I'm having a "I live alone...boo..." nights. Because in this fallish weather, I wish for good conversations, stew and hot apple cider. So in an attempt to remedy that, I decided that I was going to go and get some cider. And an ink cartridge because I ran out.
You know how you go to Target for one thing and end up buying like eight? That was me tonight with the cider and the ink cartridge, candy for the dish at work, shampoo because I'm almost out and then nail polish remover because the Oriental Red on my toes is starting to look a little more...faded. But the thing that is interesting about this is really the thought process. These were all things that I probably intended to buy at one time or another. Not really things I need, but things that were on my list to get. And how, when I went for a 74 HP Black Printer Cartridge and apple cider, did I arrive at shampoo, candy and nail polish remover? Do they plan the stores so that you have to go by things that might align? Because apple cider and nail polish remover don't really scream similar to me.
I drove up to New Brighton today to get cat food at the vet and since I went right after work, I took my old route, before the bridge collapsed. It was definitely an odd sensation, seeing as how not only was there virtually no traffic, but the world just seemed different. Probably because I no longer live in that part of the metro, don't drive that way as much and because life in general has come full circle. And, I am AMAZED at how much cheaper gas was up there - $2.99! If I hadn't just filled up, I would have been all over it. Does living in the city really make that much of a difference? Apparently so.
Ever since I finally plugged in my old Aiwa stereo in the dining room, I've been on a classical music kick. And tonight, one of my favorite things happened. They played a piece on the radio that not only did I know without looking up or waiting to hear what it was, but that I'd played in orchestra. It's fun to be able to name the composer and the piece - and yes, I know I'm a huge dork for saying that. But it makes me smile. And because I love piano music.
A tidbit from the Star Tribune today - the MN Wild have a mascot. Meet Nordy.
Lastly, on Lexington, there is a sign that says:
Piano
"FOR SALE"
with the phone number
Why, can you tell me, does the "for sale" need to be in quotation marks? Any thoughts, Rach?
I should take a photo of it to post here for you all to see.
Wishing you all good conversations, hot cider moments and warm quilts.
Quote o' the day:
"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."
- Sir Francis Bacon, "Of Beauty"
English author, courtier, & philosopher (1561 - 1626)
Tonight is one of the nights that I'm having a "I live alone...boo..." nights. Because in this fallish weather, I wish for good conversations, stew and hot apple cider. So in an attempt to remedy that, I decided that I was going to go and get some cider. And an ink cartridge because I ran out.
You know how you go to Target for one thing and end up buying like eight? That was me tonight with the cider and the ink cartridge, candy for the dish at work, shampoo because I'm almost out and then nail polish remover because the Oriental Red on my toes is starting to look a little more...faded. But the thing that is interesting about this is really the thought process. These were all things that I probably intended to buy at one time or another. Not really things I need, but things that were on my list to get. And how, when I went for a 74 HP Black Printer Cartridge and apple cider, did I arrive at shampoo, candy and nail polish remover? Do they plan the stores so that you have to go by things that might align? Because apple cider and nail polish remover don't really scream similar to me.
I drove up to New Brighton today to get cat food at the vet and since I went right after work, I took my old route, before the bridge collapsed. It was definitely an odd sensation, seeing as how not only was there virtually no traffic, but the world just seemed different. Probably because I no longer live in that part of the metro, don't drive that way as much and because life in general has come full circle. And, I am AMAZED at how much cheaper gas was up there - $2.99! If I hadn't just filled up, I would have been all over it. Does living in the city really make that much of a difference? Apparently so.
Ever since I finally plugged in my old Aiwa stereo in the dining room, I've been on a classical music kick. And tonight, one of my favorite things happened. They played a piece on the radio that not only did I know without looking up or waiting to hear what it was, but that I'd played in orchestra. It's fun to be able to name the composer and the piece - and yes, I know I'm a huge dork for saying that. But it makes me smile. And because I love piano music.
A tidbit from the Star Tribune today - the MN Wild have a mascot. Meet Nordy.
Lastly, on Lexington, there is a sign that says:
Piano
"FOR SALE"
with the phone number
Why, can you tell me, does the "for sale" need to be in quotation marks? Any thoughts, Rach?
I should take a photo of it to post here for you all to see.
Wishing you all good conversations, hot cider moments and warm quilts.
Quote o' the day:
"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."
- Sir Francis Bacon, "Of Beauty"
English author, courtier, & philosopher (1561 - 1626)
9.29.2008
a seeming void becomes a solid ground
I've been missing all of you and slowly getting into the groove of the newness of life as it is now. There is no earthly way possible to recapture the last few months, so I am not going to attempt to do so. Only to say that I'm slowly adjusting to this thing that is living alone and each day, I feel more sure of myself and the decision that I made, seemingly in a rash moment. It feels like letting go and there have been multiple reasons to do precisely that over the last two months.
But instead of lingering on the last two months and explaining away the night, I want to share a few things with you all, friends. First of all, this is truly a fall night and all one can do is heat up a cup of hot apple cider and curl up with a good book and a blanket. It's wonderful. This time of year is one of my favorites and probably is due to the fact that I should have been born in the fall. I am in awe of the color of the sumac, water that dips and moves with the landing of each goose heading for warmer climes, the brightness of the sun falling through falling leaves and even these gray days when you don't mind lingering with a friend in the coolness. And it occurs to me that in the midst of this economic crisis we are in, perhaps there is nothing better than inviting friends over for a cup of cider and playing cards. Cooking is one of the things that make me sane, so let's cook a big pot of soup and truly enjoy the company of others. This, I believe, is one of life's simple pleasures, take from it what you will.
Other things to share that you can take or leave:
1. Paul Newman, as you know, passed away on Saturday. Sally Field has this to say about him, "Sometimes God makes perfect people and Paul Newman was one of them." If only there were more people we could say that about.
2. Nick Coleman offers this sage advice on the election year and baseball. It will make you smile.
3. I made these roasted brussel sprouts tonight and they were every bit as delicious as the photo shows. And for those of you that don't like brussel sprouts - come on over and I will make a believer out of you.
4. We've assembled 50 of this years rock, paper, scissors, and they are beautiful. I can't believe that the fruits of our labor turned out quite as good as they did. I can't wait to unveil it to the world.
5. And just so that I have an even five, today they were talking about the soundtrack for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on The Composer's Datebook and it was amazing. It is beautiful, haunting and fits this fallish weather just perfectly, I think.
And to close with a quote, here is one from Erskine Caldwell that was in the Trib today that I couldn't resist.
"Oh, I used to read the Sears and Roebuck catalogue, every year when it came out. But I learned early in life that you can be a reader or a writer. I decided to be a writer." - Erskine Caldwell (1903-87), American author
But instead of lingering on the last two months and explaining away the night, I want to share a few things with you all, friends. First of all, this is truly a fall night and all one can do is heat up a cup of hot apple cider and curl up with a good book and a blanket. It's wonderful. This time of year is one of my favorites and probably is due to the fact that I should have been born in the fall. I am in awe of the color of the sumac, water that dips and moves with the landing of each goose heading for warmer climes, the brightness of the sun falling through falling leaves and even these gray days when you don't mind lingering with a friend in the coolness. And it occurs to me that in the midst of this economic crisis we are in, perhaps there is nothing better than inviting friends over for a cup of cider and playing cards. Cooking is one of the things that make me sane, so let's cook a big pot of soup and truly enjoy the company of others. This, I believe, is one of life's simple pleasures, take from it what you will.
Other things to share that you can take or leave:
1. Paul Newman, as you know, passed away on Saturday. Sally Field has this to say about him, "Sometimes God makes perfect people and Paul Newman was one of them." If only there were more people we could say that about.
2. Nick Coleman offers this sage advice on the election year and baseball. It will make you smile.
3. I made these roasted brussel sprouts tonight and they were every bit as delicious as the photo shows. And for those of you that don't like brussel sprouts - come on over and I will make a believer out of you.
4. We've assembled 50 of this years rock, paper, scissors, and they are beautiful. I can't believe that the fruits of our labor turned out quite as good as they did. I can't wait to unveil it to the world.
5. And just so that I have an even five, today they were talking about the soundtrack for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on The Composer's Datebook and it was amazing. It is beautiful, haunting and fits this fallish weather just perfectly, I think.
And to close with a quote, here is one from Erskine Caldwell that was in the Trib today that I couldn't resist.
"Oh, I used to read the Sears and Roebuck catalogue, every year when it came out. But I learned early in life that you can be a reader or a writer. I decided to be a writer." - Erskine Caldwell (1903-87), American author
9.24.2008
this is the way I need to wake
More to come, since I think writing to you, friends, helps keep me sane.
But, this quotation begged me to post it.
"A poem is never finished, only abandoned." - Paul Valery
But, this quotation begged me to post it.
"A poem is never finished, only abandoned." - Paul Valery
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